…you didn’t send me an entire question! Use the submit button, or fan mail me!

I’m not sure what you are asking, but in general, I think it’s best not to push things if he’s uncomfortable.

The thing is, he’s clearly putting you in the friend zone. He doesn’t want more. He just wants to leave things be, and he’s uncomfortable with his knowledge.

So the best you can do is just treat him the way you did before all this messy business. 

Try to just respect his feelings and his boundaries. Make it clear that you value him, more as a person than as an object of your romantic affections/daydreams.

it sucks, but that’s the only way you’re going to be able to maintain a connection. Anything more, it’s going to seem pushy and clingy.

You can love a person by giving them what they need…even if it’s not what you want.

I hope that helps!

xoxo, The Crush Translator

I’m a girl who likes a guy (we’re in high school)We are friends, but not super close and don’t hang out after school. Worse, I’m really bad with internet and stuff so I basically have zero way of communicating with him outside of school(don’t ask).  When we’re alone or with less people we talk really easily and it’s really easy to talk to (just random normal stuff) and basically we’re just regular friends.  But sometimes, he seems really different when we’re with other friends.  But when I talk to him, this is going to sound cheesy, but I feel really happy and I feel like we could keep talking just about stuff.  I’m also scared that if I ask him out, he’ll say no.  Also, we’ve been friends for a while now so I’m not sure if it’ll be awkward.  I don’t think he likes me as much as I like him but sometimes I can tell he’s looking at me and he wants to talk to me.  He’s really great and but I really don’t know what to do.

———

If you don’t hang out after school, you should hang out after school! I don’t see why you guys can’t…if you seem to get along face to face, then ask him out for coffee, after school, FACE TO FACE.

As for the social anxiety, I would say that some guys are just shy in big groups. I know I’ve dated boys who just don’t feel as comfortable with talking intimately, or acting intimately, when there are other people around. That doesn’t mean this boy doesn’t like you; it means he’s just more private than the average dude.

So if he’s really great and you guys have chemistry, ask him out yourself. Seriously. It’s not that hard. I promise.

I hope that helps! Happy crushing!

The crush translator

I’m going to be honest, the internet thing wouldn’t have helped you anyways. Rarely will a closeted (or private) queer person really put their sexual orientation up on a site that would be found by people they know IRL.

That being said, I think it would be best if you just treated him the way you want to be treated in a friendship. As hard as it can be with a social anxiety disorder, sometimes you just need to take that first step.

I would just concentrate on being open and comfortable with him. The thing is, even if that feels weird, you need to be comfortable with someone you’re interested in sexually/romantically.  Otherwise, what’s the point, right? Otherwise, it would be hellaciously more awkward.

So I would be as open and friendly as possible. Ask him to hang out. Chill stuff, not quasi-date stuff. Things like, “Hey want to grab lunch with me?” are really good. Just get to know him first. Feel him out. If it still feels weird after a couple weeks, I would drop it, because you can’t feel weird with a person you want to pursue.

If it feels more comfortable and less stressful after a couple weeks, come out to him. That’s honestly the best way to gauge the queerness of a person without being invasive on them. Why? Because it allows that other person to be like, “Oh yes, me too, solidarity!” or “Oh, well, I like you like a friend…but not like that.” There’s also the third option, which is “closeted or questioning.” if that’s the case (and really, you shouldn’t ever assume that’s the case unless the other person tells you), then the only thing you can do is be supportive, and not pushy.

I know, it’ll be really hard. But you can do it! I have faith in you!

I hope that helps! Happy crushing!

xoxo,

The Crush translator

Approach this guy the same way you approach your friends. No difference! If you’re sure he’s gay, just go up to him, and ask him out for coffee! It’s really easy. Just be like “hey, you free on Friday? Wanna grab some Starbucks or something?”

Easy peasy. It’s that simple.

There is no problem. It sounds like you’re not really interested in anything really serious, so him leaving for “other women” isn’t going to be that much of an issue.

I would directly confront him about the genderqueer thing. There’s no other way to approach it, other than being blunt and open. Don’t be accusatory, just try to maintain a “diplomatic but curious” vibe.

Tell him what you want. Ask him if he’s interested. Really, it’s that simple.

Hope that helps! Happy crushing!

xoxo,
the Crush Translator  

OK, I am willing to bet that G probably is aware of your crush on her, especially if she knows you are queer, since you said you’re a horrible liar.

The problem with constantly denying you have a crush on someone who is already involved in a monogamous relationship, is the fact that constantly denying it makes the schism between your crush and their partner bigger.

Because if you don’t make your intentions clear, the inferences G’s girlfriend can make can be much worse than what you really meant.

Now, if you are honestly NOT in ANY WAY interested in dating G for yourself, and thus, breaking her and her girlfriend up, I would say there is NO HARM IN TELLING G ABOUT YOUR CRUSH.

Situations like this, you need to clarify matters. If you guys are friends, this is definitely something both of you can work through. Because if G doesn’t know you have a crush on her, she might do things that give you a false sense of hope (of reciprocation). She might do things that cross the line.  A lot of things are OK between platonic friends, but if there’s any level of sexual attraction, it’s really dangerous. Harmless, innocuous teasing can sound like flirting. Etc.

What I would suggest is talking to G in private, telling her that you have a crush on her, but also be VERY CLEAR that you don’t want to mess up her relationship. The point of this talk is that you will be able to reestablish boundaries. You also have to be considerate for G’s feelings, as well as her girlfriend. 

If you guys are really friends, I wouldn’t think there would be any drama. Be prepared, though…her girlfriend might be uncomfortable with you guys being very close. Take everyone’s feelings into account. Think about how you would feel in both G’s and her girlfriend’s situation.

Hope that Helps! Happy Crushing!

xoxo,
The Crush translator 

Here’s the thing about chaotic relationships:

The Bad bit makes the Good bit look way better than it is.

You both probably put a lot of yourselves into that relationship. You A year and 3 months is a really long time. Hell, lots of people get married after that long, and even sooner.

But that doesn’t mean that just because you spent time together, you need to stay together.

If he’s begging you back, and you accept, that whole vicious cycle will just start again.

I know. I’ve been there. You guys resolve the fight but then nothing’s really resolved, because there’s always some little tiny thing that bugs you. It whittles away at your sanity. Soon you’re both nitpicking at each other for really stupid shit. “Why did you leave the dishes in the sink instead of washing them?” “Who says it’s my job to clean?” “I thought I was dating a decent human being, not some spoiled pig.” Etc. etc. etc. Eventually, you’ll both get riled up, the emotions will flow, and you’ll keep on fighting. And making up. the Making up will feel like such a relief, that you’ll try so hard to forget the aches and pains of the fighting.

But you really can’t.

If you’re so incompatible that your fights are that frequent, and your fights really can’t be resolved peacefully, then your relationship isn’t worth having. A relationship should make you happy.

I know everybody has this whole “myth of the passionate relationship” in their head. How “a guy doesn’t really love you unless he gets jealous and you don’t love him unless he drives you crazy and you still want to take him back.” That’s BS. You know why? Because a person who loves you RESPECTS YOUR EMOTIONS. A Person who LOVES YOU treats you like their equal, at least where it matters.

Love is about mutual respect.

I used to think that passion was a synonym for chaotic ups and downs. That’s bullshit. I’m in the most successful relationship I’ve ever witnessed right now. My boyfriend and I, we don’t really fight. Not like the way you describe. We have issues, but when we talk, we resolve them. There’s never any underlying tension afterwards. It’s “I understand. I understand. We weren’t really disagreeing at all. We were just phrasing the same opinion differently.”

IF that doesn’t sound at all like your fights, I’d say that you two are just not compatible in the right ways.

That’s not to say that you two aren’t good people, or that you’re incompatible with everyone. Some people just don’t mesh. There are some things a person can’t change about themselves, and you shouldn’t want to change. Those are the things that cause the fights.

I would say you two should stay separate, at least for the time being. Maybe you can both move on. Maybe you two will change in the future. People evolve. Characters evolve. So try your best at being friends. See how that goes.

But don’t hold out for him changing, just because it’s possible. No. Just let that happen naturally, if it ever does. Sometimes it doesn’t, and you shouldn’t tie yourself down to some weird, impossible fantasy guy that you think you’ve found, when really, he’s not like that at all.

I hope this message helps. I wish you love, peace, and hope <3

xoxo,
the Crush Translator 

Well, if you like him, and he thinks you’re hot, I would say that he’s probably at least sexually interested in you. 

Although, if he came up to you and said, “hey girlfriend,” that is a little strange. I don’t want to generalize or anything, but in my experience, the only guys who ever address a girl with a casual “Hey girlfriend” are gay. It’s sort of like the word “fierce.” It’s a gay catchphrase. 

Then again, he could have been acting facetious, “fake gay,” as a humor thing (which a lot of straight guys do; I have no idea why). Then, it’s totally ok.

BUT if you’re SURE that he’s straight, and all his friends are like “he thinks your hot” and he’s texting you even though he’s not normally a text-er (and yes, this is the ONLY SITUATION where I would say “texting is a good indicator”), then he’s interested.

So if you like him, just ask him out for coffee or something. The movies. Ice cream. Casual, where you guys can talk, with the chance of going somewhere private afterwards, if you both want to. 

It’s seriously not that big of a deal. Just DO IT!

Hope that helps! Happy Crushing!
xoxo,
The Crush Translator 

1) if anybody says “I like you” in a context that is definitely “I *crush* like you,” they LIKE YOU

2) Not everybody likes texting. Hell, my boyfriend hated texting before he got a smartphone. Texting is NOT AN ACCURATE LITMUS TEST OF ATTRACTION. Also, texting might cost him money. 

3) Neither is PDA. Some people just feel more comfortable in a private setting. Some people are more at ease when they aren’t being watched by everybody, and some people prefer IM-clients because it means they can think before they type and there’s no pressure.

4) If you like him, and he likes you, just ask him out. For coffee. Casual date. Next time you’re on Facebook chat, be like, “Hey, we should meet up some time for coffee.” it’s that easy. 

Hope that Helps! Happy Crushing,

xoxo,
The Crush Translator